In last week’s blog we discussed the paradoxical effects of trying to fight and solve our anxiety. In this article I’ll focus on the benefits that can occur when we stop treating anxiety as an enemy and instead learn how to live out our values even in the presence of fear and anxiety. Embrace anxiety is one of the five RELAX steps that teaches us how to master stress and anxiety so that we can win in life.
The inspiration for today’s blog came when I was listening to a radio station on a Friday morning, and they introduced “No fear Friday.” The idea was to discard fear. This sounded appealing, and I tried it out. After a minute or two, I feared that I was feeling afraid! So much for no fear Friday.
Then someone called into the radio station and shared that they “gave up doubt.” It was interesting how she described it. At one moment she had doubt, and in the next moment it was gone. This reminded me of a fortune cookie I once found. The fortune read “any doubts you may have will immediately disappear.” And my immediate thought was, “I doubt that.”
I’ve been doing a little cleaning (emphasis on little), and in the process I’ve found some clothes I no longer wear. I’ve placed the clothes in a bag, and I plan to donate them to Goodwill. As I’ve been going through my wardrobe, and in the context of “no fear Friday,” it made me think how nice it would be to donate our fear and doubt and worry. I imagine that most of us do not enjoy “wearing” doubt and fear, and we would be happy to give them to a more willing and needing person. However, while “no fear Friday,” and “give up doubt” sound enticing, we cannot easily donate these inner experiences. It certainly is not for a lack of effort. We all try very hard to manage, modify and eliminate our challenging thoughts and feelings. But, they remain.
Motivational speakers often ask the following question: “If you didn’t have fear, what would you do?” This may be the wrong question. It is a powerful question, but it’s unrealistic. We need at least a little fear to effectively survive. If I didn’t have any fear, I would stop paying my bills (I wouldn’t worry the utilities would get turned off), I would cross the street after looking only one way, and I may even eat food past its expiration date!
Perhaps a better question is this: If fear and doubt weren’t the enemy, what would you do? If you could learn to experience fear and doubt AND still live a winning life, what would you pursue? Fear and doubt don’t have to be eliminated. We can let go of the struggle with our fear and doubt. And, in letting go of the struggle, we free ourselves to live purposefully.
So, instead of No Fear Friday, let’s call today “Fulfilling Friday.” We can live life fully even in the presence of fear.
The Winning moment: Wining in life does not require us to get rid of fear, doubt and worry. Winning in life requires us to take action in the presence of fear, doubt and worry.